GRENDEL

by Nallely Dimas

In “Grendel,” by John Gardner, rejection and anger from the world causes depression. In the story, Grendel, the monster and protagonist, kills out of revenge and anger. He despises the world for making him into a monster that no one would dare to actually consider becoming friends with.  He is lonely and hates creation for that. Grendel is depressed because he has never fit in anywhere; no one has ever accepted him for what he is.
           
Grendel kills out of revenge. He can’t release the anger that is bottled inside him and he kills people to get rid of his depression. The only emotion Grendel has ever been shown is anger and resentment, because of this, those are the only emotions he knows how to express. “Pointless, ridiculous, monster crouched in the shadows, stinking of dead men, murdered children, martyred cows. I am neither proud nor ashamed, understand. One more dull victim, leering at seasons that never meant to be observed. Ah, sad one, poor old freak!”  To him killing someone is just something he does naturally. He isn’t ashamed he kills.  In fact, to him one victim doesn’t mean anything, it means that it was the person’s time to die; other seasons, years, weren’t meant to be lived by that person. Verbally he takes his revenge by insulting the victim and calling him a freak. Grendel was probably referred to this way numerous times and is just settling the score.
           
Grendel is mad at nature and creation for making him what he is; someone everyone is scared of, someone that gets no respect or acceptance from others. Because he knows that creation, unfortunately, made him the way he is, he tries to take his anger out by insulting nature and the sky. “‘Why can’t these creatures discover a little dignity?’ I ask the sky. The sky says nothing, predictably. I make a face, uplift a defiant middle finger, and give an obscene little kick.” He feels it’s unfair that, given intelligence, he can’t be accepted for who he is and these animals that are accepted everywhere don’t have any dignity. “‘Blind prejudice!’ I brawl at the splintering sunlight where half a second ago she stood. I wring my fingers, put on a long face. ‘Ah the unfairness of everything.’” Grendel believes nature is being prejudice towards him.  He is blessed with the capacity to have feelings and he can’t be accepted.
           
Everywhere Grendel’s goes, no one accepts him.  He doesn’t fit in anywhere, not with his family and not with human society. “…large old shapes with smoldering eyes sat watching me. A continuous grumble came out of their mouths; their backs were humped. Then little by little it dawned on me that the eyes that seemed to bore into my body were in fact gazing through it, wearily indifferent to my slight obstruction of the darkness.”  To the monsters in his mother’s cave it didn’t make a difference if he was there or not. As far as they were concerned, he didn’t exist, they just looked right through him. Ever since he was little Grendel never had friends or anyone that he could fit in with. “Explored out far-flung underground world in an endless war-game of leaps onto nothingness, ingenious twists into freedom or new perplexity, quick whispered plotting with invisible friends, wild cackles when vengeance was mine.” Grendel always had to make-up friends, inside his mother’s cave he never had anyone since the monsters inside thought he wasn’t monster enough to be accepted.  “I shake my head, muttering darkly on shaded paths, holding conversation with the only friend and comfort this world affords, my shadow.” He knows he can never be accepted anywhere and so he comforts himself by saying that his only friend is his own shadow. No one else will accept him as he is.
           
Rejection from the world can cause depression and sometimes revenge. Grendel kills and murders to release all the anger he has bottled up inside him. He hates and taunts nature by making fun of how some animals, to him, have no dignity. Grendel is depressed because he is and will always be alone and rejected in both worlds he lives in: the human world and the monster world.